We’ve been hibernating these past few days, kind of a continuation of the last two weeks, minus the big boys. We’ve snuggled in our beds at night listening to the ice rain come down. We’ve carried buckets of water out to the chickens with the icy northern winds stealing our breath along the way, and we’ve spent time mulling over what this new year will mean for us.
In my former life, I fell under the societal pressure to choose a new year’s resolution, only to forget about it a few weeks later, litterally. The happier, more content me knows that positive change isn’t something I can conjure up over night. It’s something that I must feel in my soul; it’s gotta be calling me. I need to be constantly listening to that voice inside of myself, and more importantly, I need to answer her more often. The hustle and bustle of caring for a family of five leaves very little time for the thoughts that are bouncing around in my busy brain, let alone the ones that are tucked into the corners of my heart; it’s not until I can steal a few minutes to myself that I can liberate those nagging feelings that just don’t make the list of essentials– make nutritious meals, check! raise intelligent, caring, clean children…workin on it, maintain a mutually respectful, loving, fulfilling relationship? Yessir. Time for a shower, more so these days. Opportunity to write the Great Canadian Novel. What? Have I really been thinking about this all this time? Sometimes I can really surprise myself with what comes up.
Back to where I was going in the first place, I’ve managed to follow through on some of my intentions for the new calendar year. The Solstice brought us two weeks of family time; we spent it doing absolutely nothing, and it was great. Having PapaBear home was delightful. He misses so many bits of watching our children grow while he is away each day, so having him with us for two weeks was really fun, but let’s get to the obvious joy. I had some relief. I had some shower- alone time. I slept in. I barely cooked or cleaned( I know, he’s amazing!). AND I heard my thoughts, not just the surface thoughts floating around my head, but even some of those deeper soul thoughts. There weren’t many shockers this time, which is a relief. In my former life, feeling unhappy or anxious with myself, I would have been overly ambitious, always pushing and striving, the way I thought I was supposed to. Maybe it’s because I’m better seasoned now, that I have a bit of experience under my belt, but my hopes and dreams are much simpler at this stage in the game. I’m pretty sure it’s actually just cause, I’m happy.This year, I’m hoping to put more heart into creating the things I keep imagining and not just thinking about them. I plan to develop this space to share them with you. I hope to make more foods myself, the way I did before I gave birth to a tiny boy who screeches every time Mama is trying to work in the kitchen. I will put energy into growing bigger and better gardens than last year, and I will start planning now! I’ll devote our whole summer to it. We, as a family, will spend September canning. I’d like to make more of my own clothing. I’ll do those little things around here to better organize and pretty up (yep) our home. I’ll write more. Worry less. I’ll start making Christmas gifts in July when I get that nostalgic Christmas feeling that shows up once I’ve had enough of the searing, Ontario heat, and lastly, I’ll write down some of the wonderful memories (to read as a cute old woman) I’m making with these beautiful people I share my life with. Oh ya, and, I’ll try out some lipstick, or lippy as my grandmother called it.