Home. There is no place like it. It’s something that I can say I’ve had since I moved in with Papa Bear, but a house? That’s not always been something we’ve been able to call our own.
For two weeks now, we’ve been able to say that this house, this home of ours, is officially OURS…fourth generation owners; it’s something not many can say. I had expected this post to involve confetti and tiny/ non-creepy clowns in mini cars, parades and balloons. I had expected us to jump for joy and scream and shout, since it took us 5 long months to make this deal happen. Don’t get me wrong, we are VERY grateful, but the happiness has been delayed. For the past 5 months, we didn’t know if we’d have to move, or if we may actually find a mortgage! It hurt us. It sucked us of our confidence, and although we are happy to know that we are on the other side of paper work and credit checks, we’re still in recovery. Recovery from being under scrutiny, from wondering where we might be moving to, recovery from trying not to panic. We’re learning how to sleep again. How many nights did I wake up this summer to fold laundry at 3am, or to sew, plan school lessons, or clean up messes? I forgot how to write this blog. I literally forgot how to sleep.
And now that we are coming out the other side, little rays of joy are starting to seep through. This home is our home. This house is our house. Remember this post? I remember how it felt to write it, thinking about the people who someday may live here, seeing themselves surrounded by the tall trees that we witnessed being tiny saplings. We can move the wild blackberries to create a berry patch away from the inevitable shade, and we can build as many gardens we’ll need to do so. We can put up gates, and build stone fireplaces, and we can build a small cabin in the woods to house our bread oven and sauna….you know… someday. I find myself becoming more and more comfortable with considering somedays here, rather than worrying about our uncertain future. I find myself feeling more relaxed with the approaching holiday season. For the first time since becoming a parent, I feel less pressure to rearrange our house, having everything just so for Christmas, since, we’ll likely be here next year. There’s no hurry.
So although there haven’t been any disco ball dance celebrations, or celebratory chainsaw holes being cut through walls ( something we had pictured Papa Bear doing once those papers were signed), we’re settling in. We’re gradually realizing that we can crawl out of hiding. We can be comfortable with the idea of having this as our forever home….
We hope to have many more adventures to post here, now that my creativity is beginning to flow freely again