It’s the little things that light up my life. Organic cream delivered to my door step, fresh flowers, kids building projects quietly with way too much tape…sometimes that’s all it takes me make my heart sing…to remind me that my life is beautiful. Yesterday, that moment came while the kids were playing happily inside. I stepped out in the afternoon sun, feeling just a bit frustrated about the chore of picking up and putting away. The minute my soles hit the warmth of our brand new-papa- built deck, I was instantly invigorated. My arms soared above my head, finger tips kissing the sky, and I reached down for a good stretch in Uttanasana. That’s when I heard it…the quiet buzz of insect life in my flower garden. Perched on the edge of the deck, I watched as tiny bugs flitted about, performing a task much greater than they are aware of.
And then it occurred to me…perhaps, in my daily menial, nothingness tasks, I’m contributing to something bigger, something more than I’m aware of. Just like that, the moment was gone. It’s like that as a mom. It will seem that I’m on the verge of something significant, a conscious-altering concept, and then as quickly as the child appears, the thought bubble pops and the thought dissipates.
Wildflower pranced through the door and into the garden, gathering a bouquet of beauty as she went. I cued her to stop and observe the magic; together we watched a beautiful monarch drink nectar from the echinacea. He was then replaced by a beautiful moth whom was all too happy to pose for us. A fleeting moment captured in time.
A couple of weeks ago, our family set out on our annual festival/camping trip. Plastic drawers were released from their duties in the house, stuffed with kid clothing and packed into the tent trailer, white T shirts were stashed into our luggage in hopes of being streaked with beautifully coloured dyes, and I eagerly packed my basket with books and journals to enjoy while resting on the beach. Ahhh the beach…scantily clad in the sunshine while the kids play happily, with minimal arguing….oh the epiphanies I’ll have…the inspiration that will seep into my soul….Except that it rained. It rained for four days. It rained so hard the slugs came to visit.It rained so hard that any shred of excitement and optimism I felt, wooshed away with the raindrops, trickling from the tarps Griz strung so neatly from the branches. I turned into grumpy mommy, the woman I had tried to leave at home. It didn’t matter how hard Papa Bear tried, no amount of tarp stringing or yummy meal making broke the spell of grumpy that had been cast over me. There was just something about the combination of sand in my bed, dampened by the moist air that just didn’t help.
So to keep the kids from arguing…We played go fishand caught tiny toads…I believe Wildflower caught…72?
And on the fifth day, the sun came out, juuust in time for us to wash up, pack up, and head home.
There’s a funny thing that I learned from the camping trip from hell. All of the much needed inspiration didn’t come while it was pouring so loudly we couldn’t hear each other speak. It didn’t come when we walked to the soggy beach to be bitten by the bugs on the way. It didn’t even come when we began to pack up under the bright sun. The epiphanies came to me after we had been home for a night, with time to talk and clear my mind, time spent just with my partner in crime. The two days we spent at home after our trip felt more like holidays than the entire trip. It took looking at myself, deeply, in an uncomfortable situation, to learn the answers to some of the heavier things on my mind. Ahhhh sometimes things just don’t go as planned.