This week, for the first time in 9 years, Papa Bear and I spent a night without children. Yes. This statement is the truth. 4 children, 9 years, 1st night alone…
When I first gave birth to Wildflower, people repeatedly told me not to ‘lose myself’ and not to ‘forget about my relationship’. Although there is truth to both of these statements, I always found that focusing on these ideas alone, left me in a self-centred state and made me increasingly unhappy with trying to keep up. After all, I became a parent to dedicate the majority of my energy to raising good people, and that requires meeting their needs.
I’ve always found that the longer I leave our home filled with life, the more difficult it is to reintegrate. The noise becomes louder, my patience become thinner, and I notice the exhaustion more. The same goes for our relationship, and even though I always try to prioritize what we share together as number one, there are times when children’s needs just come first. Of course, full-term breastfeeding has kept me close to home for quite some time.
But we’ve nearly made it to TWO. Next month, our youngest of four will turn twenty-four months old, and I can already see the changes. It felt ceremonial, almost, to enter this new phase of life together with some time with just us. It’s been entirely worth this long and difficult journey. Yes, I still have sadness over having had the last baby, but I’m also excited about growing into the next phase of us.