There are times when I feel like I’ve got this all under control, and then there are times when I don’t know which way is up.
Sometimes things flow beautifully. Kids are happily working on projects of their own choosing, and they just so happen to involve reading, writing and numeracy. The counter tops are clean, I’ve showered and put on mascara, and the beds have clean sheets.
Then the following week, two children are digging through baskets of unfolded laundry for unmatched socks and underwear, there are tiny legos on the carpet, dog hair on my pants, and for lunch it’s peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Oh wait, there’s no peanut butter…
There could be any number of reasons that things aren’t working optimally, but most of them revolve around one main concept, connection. Sometimes what’s missing is time to connect with my partner, and sometimes time to connect to my own needs and dreams, BUT when there is disconnect between the kids and I, they’ll be grumpier, more defiant, and mopey, and everything kind of crumbles. After all , we are also co-workers, teacher and students, friends…
Sometimes connection looks like working together on a craft of their choosing, not something that will make me feel like a great parent (sooo hard!)
Sometimes connection looks like snuggling and actually watching a movie together (no scrolling!).
Sometimes connection looks like talking and laughing together.
Connection is involved.
It means getting up and joining in on their project clean-up, or brushing our teeth together rather than sending them to tackle the job, only to find myself anxiously waiting while they got lost along the way (YOU’VE GOT FIVE SECONDS…it really doesn’t work).
It means sliding the clothes on the hangers while Wildflower sorts her laundry, or involving Moonchild in dinner prep even though I’d rather do it alone. It means a pause in writing this post to hear out Big Brother as he shares what is on his mind. Not all of the time, but enough of the time.
Sometimes connecting is hard because I’d just.like.five.minutes.to.my.self!
But it almost always solves our problems. The effort is a valuable investment.
Connection is on my mind almost all of the time.
How can I find time each day to connect with my children? How can I carve out a few minutes that feel genuine, rather than offering ten minutes that work for me to cross ‘connect with kid #3’ off the list? You’d think it would be easy, having all day everyday with these incredible humans, but often things get in the way.
I’ve also been working tirelessly on connecting with my own purpose, especially since my years of growing babies have come to a close. Mothering is my jam, and I hadn’t planned much else. To me it is Everest– alluring, challenging, and rewarding. It’s almost enough, but as much as I will always be a mother, I will also be a woman who needs to do, to help, to contribute as my children move out of our home. As one little bird hovers on our doorstep, about to take flight, I’m reminded of this….
And then that leads me to my partner. After months of his working over time, and then there was winter prep (still), and the needs of our kiddos…before we knew it, our connection had been stretch and pulled and weighed down by all of the moments of missed opportunity…
So it’s traditional for us with November days, when we turn to each other and promise to take a little better care of this foundation that everything is built upon. We remind each other of things we likely said to each other last year, but they help to bring us back to what’s important….to ask each other for help when needed, to offer up a little more than the other expects, to feed this fire first…something that is difficult with babies running around stealing acorn squash from the front room and flushing the toilet for fun.
So if you haven’t had the reminder in your own life, lately, here it is…tell your spouse you appreciate them, love them, listen to them, hold them, spend time with them…whichever language works in your favour.