• Heartfelt

    Laundry: My Husband Was Right.

    My nemesis is my need to ‘catch up’

    ” I’ll be happier when I’m caught up on ________________________(organizing the toys, the kitchen, sorting photos on my laptop, our math work, renovating). It’s a trap I catch myself in frequently.

    I realized a while back, after five + years of parenting, that I was chronically uncaught up on the laundry. It felt as though it had been a lifetime since I had seen the bottom of the basket. “Just one more load”, I’d say to myself, only to forget about that last load in the wash, which always calls for a soak and rewash the following day. Sigh. “Just two more loads until I can feel a complete and total sense of control over my world”.

    I’ve even tried this thing where I did a load every day, regardless of sorting, so that I was always ‘caught up’. Until it hit me……EVERYONE WAS STILL WEARING THE CLOTHES!

    So….I, after many failed attempts ( small fabric-induced panic attacks), gave up trying to play laundry- catch- up, and since I just couldn’t picture the six of us willingly living our lives in the nude (considered it, likely wouldn’t convince the entire family), I chose to accept that there will always be dirty laundry.

    Years have passed since that mindset change. I now wash the kid’s laundry and my own once a week because that’s how long it takes for us to acquire a load per person (Papa Bear tackles his laundry and Big Brother has been doing his own since he felt that it was easier to put clean, folded clothing in the hamper rather than in drawers). I also gave up sorting. Yep.

    After a child’s laundry migrates from the dryer, it stays in their corresponding basket, and I fold one load a night. That’s it. No rocket science. No pressure. No empty baskets. I should also say, that although I’m nervous to admit this publicly, this brilliant idea was, in fact, my husband’s. I should have listened years ago honey….take it while you can.



    I find this laundry lesson has spilled into other parts of my life. I grocery shop when the food is gone, rather than every few days to keep things stocked. I clean the floors when they are dirty, rather than preventatively. I clean the kitchen while making dinner, even though we’ve messed it up all day long. And finally, my most brilliant plan is that we all clean our home together on Sunday nights, for just an hour, before the week begins. I used to spend everyday trying to ‘keep up’ only to find myself drowning in an endless list.

    Perfection isn’t possible.

    xo

    HayMama

    Just a woman wearing clothes, enjoying the journey,

  • Heartfelt

    Just Be Yourself?

    Just be yourself  is a phrase that has always left me more confused than grounded. When I strip away all of the things that have been sprayed over me like a coat of paint… how to be a woman, how to be polite, how to say nothing because no one will listen…

    When I peel away the layers of expectation, I always expect to find my true self, yet each time, I’m surprised to find someone I don’t enjoy. I’m whiney, I complain. I am greedy and selfish, and I live according to the laws of safety. My true self is young and inexperienced, and she childishly relies on her ego to get her through it all. So I typically just cover her back up and carry on. I recognized it this time.

    Since our latest addition was born two years ago, I’ve been on a journey of personal growth and discovery. Childbirth leaves me wide open. It digs up old wounds and gives me permission to weep over them. It’s a marvellous time to put in some hard work, to notice repeating patterns, to reflect on where I’ve gone wrong, when I’ve been wronged, and how to take responsibility and let go.

    I’d like to change the status quo and say that it takes longer for a woman to heal after birth than a mere 6 weeks, or even 1 year. Both in body and spirit, I’ve begun to notice true healing at the two year mark, after the birth of three humans. 

    Here is a smidge of what I’ve learned this time around as I approach year two…


    1.Intuition is wise and should be listened to, but sometimes my inner child wears Intuition’s cloak. I can usually tell because she is begging for me to remain in safety. She likes to rob me of new energy, bountiful ideas, and adventure.

    2.Personal growth is just work. It’s all work. It’s the equivalent of forcing yourself to go outside because you know it’s good for you…you’ll notice the benefits once you come in and hang up your coat.

    And Lastly

    3.Connection is always what I’m seeking. When I feel sad or grumpy or anxious, I’m running up a connection debt….connection to purpose and to people who are special. There is no replacement for the value that connection brings us. 

    xo

    HayMama